Spring has put me into perpetual sigh mode…   I’m not entirely sure why but have begun mentally sifting through some of it and pulling out a few “possible” explanations…

When I walk by trees, laden with brand new and impressibly sweet smelling blossoms… (which is quite often at the moment)…  I have to stop walking… everytime, and spend at least a few moments trying to take in as much of the fragrance as my sense of smell will possibly allow…  which then leads me to want to share this with someone else. 

But pulling random people aside on the sidewalk and demanding they “stop and smell the trees!” is looked upon as suspicious and odd behavior…  (especially if just before my attempts to include them, they’ve already seen me rooted to a spot, sniffing the air and waving my hands about)…

And spring is chocked, to her ever-widening brim, full of discoveries that really ought to be shared…  

Spring also makes me want to think and read… even more so than usual.  I take more walks, which lead to more thoughts, which lead to parks in which I pull out more books, which then lead to more thoughts, which leads to an intense desire for discussion with someone else of aforementioned thoughts…  and if no one is to be found, I have discussions with myself.

Out loud… and sadly, I am not joking .  The oddest part is that I often discover myself talking to myself  in an English accent.  I say “discover” because I’ll have been doing it for at least a few minutes before realizing I’m doing it.  It’s been going on for years so I’ve stopped trying to figure out where it comes from and have simply accepted it.  Fortunately no one, to my knowledge so far, has overheard me yet. 

But all this to say, I am realizing how little my current life surroundings/events allows for such discussion to take place.  Right now, more than ever, I crave the companionship which compells further thought and then goes on to challenge those thoughts…  There is so much literally curdling and souring inside of my head at the moment, for lack of oxygen, as it seldom gets to breathe  outside of the small space it’s been shoved into…

One of the things I love about people in general, is that they consistently introduce me to things I may otherwise not have considered trying or looking into. And on occasion, these “things” become my “favorite things” or that which I grow quite fond of.

And often I find they are terribly smarter than I am, which makes me hate/love/hesitate to speak to them for fear the uttering of one word, (or the typing of a sentence these days) will unleash a stare of disdain…  (which I find seldom happens once I do speak to them).

All this to say (on top of the previous “all this to say”)…  spring makes me acutely aware of the need for “others” (i.e. companionship) on a consistent basis.  Not necessarily to watch a movie, or go to the latest event or party with… but an other(s)  who can hold their own in a meaty discussion…

…who just might make me sputter in anger (which eventually leads to the calm of further conclusion or thought)… or who merely add another nail into a wall (the good kind) that I’ve been slowly adding to the “not quite as” rickety foundation of “things I’m pretty sure of/at least have faith in.”

Oh spring…  you make me sigh…  

(I hadn’t meant that last line to be funny… but then I “remembered” what my name is and had a small, albeit good, chuckle… )