**I know I promised photos and they ARE coming soon! But in the meantime…

I used to frequently engage in texting many of my friends about funny or random occurrences. As that’s no longer an option I’ve actually been keeping a little green notebook in my bag at all times, which I try to remember to pull out and jot notes in whenever something unusual happens. It’s not that sharing these things is a necessity… perhaps some of said friends were relieved about my moving to another continent ensuring those texts would no longer occur (haha too bad I’ve resorted to other measures!) But it’s just a stupid compulsion I can’t rid myself of, which I hope, nonetheless, will entertain you in even the smallest fashion.

** This first portion of “Things I Would Have Texted” is actually solely dedicated to a book I recently picked up in a Korean bookstore. I decided to save the other things in my little notebook for another note as this one is quite long without it (you are welcome) 😉

And so without further ado, here is

“Things I would Have Texted” Part One:

So I bought a couple of “teach yourself Korean” books from a local bookstore. I should have looked at them better before buying them because I’ve discovered that one of them called “Surviving Korean” is more funny than it is helpful. It contains a slew of the most ridiculous and random things I’m almost 90% sure I’ll never have a reason to say… and if I do my little green notebook will fill up fast! Here are some examples: (and yes these are directly copied from the book.)

“She has beautiful legs.” (I’m not sure how this qualifies as a ‘survival’ phrase?)

“He is a real estate broker.”

“Bananas are long.” (I guess if I’m REALLY desperate for a conversation filler that will make me seem extremely awkward this might do… )

“There are many kangaroos in Australia” (Once again, what does this have to do with surviving KOREA???)

“Would you go to see the ‘Fever of Saturday Night?'” (!??!!?!?!?!?!?)

“The machine lifts up the rocks.” (The book provides absolutely no explanation as to WHY I would ever need to say this… just this phrase with the Korean pronunciation and symbols below it.)

“I am pretty.” (Apparently this is for when I need to give myself a pep talk in Korean as there is NO way I am going to go around saying this to anyone.)

“A queen has dignity.” (Why? When? Why? In what logical universe will I ever need to consider this a survival phrase!?)

“Please, grind the strawberries.” (!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Once again… What!? And what if I want someone to blend or smush rather than grind them? Or what if I want to eat them whole!? Come on survival book, you’re failing me miserably! Also, what exactly do you grind a strawberry for????)

“My teeth are shiny.” (I do want to say this one only because it is SO RIDICULOUS!)

“Wind blows.” (Yep… just like that. Wind blows. I can picture myself saying this and then hearing crickets chirping in the background because really… what WOULD your response be to someone saying, “Wind blows.”)

“That xylophone is cute.” (I promise I’m not making these up.)

“A bomb is dangerous.” (Oh goodie… Now if I run into a Korean creating a bomb I can accurately explain this is a bad idea.)

“Look, there is border!” (Yes they forgot the “a” between is and border, but more importantly I suppose this phrase is vital if I’m kidnapped to North Korea and have to make a run for it. If I hear someone yell this I’ll know I’m close to SK again… har de har har.)

“I’m here to claim a traffic sign.” (So if my traffic sign gets arrested, I guess I can always use this handy dandy phrase from my survival book… )

“Sleeping with an enemy.” (Yep, just like that. I’m not sure why survival in Korea necessitates knowing this odd and incomplete sentence but then, I probably don’t want to know.”

“Eyebrows are above the eyes.” (Aaaand we’re back to the awkward conversation fillers!)

“Illegal parking lot” (Um… am I suppose to look for signs with this phrase so I know they’re illegal and don’t park there?)

And that’s it for now folks… I love and miss you all, (especially the harrassing you with text-messages part).

*** Part II coming to a blog post note near you on a date that is yet to be determined. 😉